I’ve seen and experienced some very strange, inexplicable things over the years. Some fun stuff that makes its way into my stories, sometimes. And some really not so fun stuff, that also might make its way into my stories. Because let’s face it. Being human hurts, sometimes, and pain, as much as we don’t want it to be, is a very powerful, very present human experience.
The lighter, more fun experiences made me realize that maybe those odd moments when someone I love pops into my mind out of the blue might not actually be crazy (or a coincidence). Maybe those are moments when we are both thinking of each other, which then creates a connection, no matter the miles separating us. Or those moments when I’m looking at people and I just know what someone is feeling—animals can very certainly “read” our minds, just by being very sensitive to and completely aware of body language. We can too. We certainly do it as children. Children are very aware of unspoken vibes in a room—whether we adults want them to be or not. That sensitivity to the unspoken around us is sometimes very painful for us, and we shut it down. I certainly did, as a child, because the agony of knowing what others were feeling made me desperately want to help, to make them feel better. We can’t fix others—any therapist, spouse or partner will tell you how futile that attempt is—but it doesn’t mean we don’t try.
It took me a very long time to learn how to be around pain without trying to fix it, but accepting what arises in and around me and being totally and completely okay with who I am—all the weird little dark human shadows included—got me to a point of knowing that the pain I sense may not be mine. It is sometimes mine, and in those cases, I simply give myself the gentle care I didn’t always feel like I got from those surrounding me. Giving myself the love and support that I kept looking for from others who might or might not be able to provide what I needed—usually not—has completely changed my life and opened a door to perceptions I used to have as a child, didn’t understand, learned how to distrust, and then finally tried to cut out of my life. That attempt not only strangled my sensitivities, it also strangled me and made me want to die.
It took courage and persistence to reverse that strangulation, and a willingness to be okay with whatever happened in my life. Tragedy and pain have played a part in my life, as it has in everyone’s in some way or another, and for many years I thought I did want to die. Except when that moment of true choice came around and I asked myself what I truly wanted, I said I wanted to live and more than that, I wanted to live in joy. From there, I followed the paths—so-called “mistakes” and all—that led me here, to a point in my life where I am happier and more fulfilled than I ever have been. Pain is still present, of course—it is always part of life—but my relationship with it has so totally changed it doesn’t feel like pain used to any more.
Being willing to give myself the love and support that I never got from those around me was the key. As I loved and supported myself—whatever that meant for me in the moment, because it varied—I learned to trust me again. As I learned to trust, those lighter, fun experiences become more frequent. I can be an empath who isn’t afraid to be one because I no longer want to fix pain. Everyone, absolutely everyone, who is here on Earth experiences it. When we love and support ourselves through all the pain—physical, emotional, and spiritual—it changes our relationship with it. No matter what pain surrounds me now, it doesn’t feel like pain any more. Other people’s pain isn’t mine, and mine feels totally different. That freedom has opened the door to perceptions I could not have imagined when I was a child, and brought back many of the same sensitivities I did have and tried to shut down.
My perspective will undoubtedly continue to change, and in the meantime, I’m certainly enjoying all the fun, magical and fantastic experiences this new way of living brings me!