Facing the Real—Update on Book 3

Book 3 of The Azellian Affairs continues to challenge me. I have received the first edit back from the editor, and with her usual sensitivity and grace, she has shown me the places I have refused to face the depths of my characters and the story I am telling. One of those biggest questions: Who is Alarin Raderth? One of the characters in the Tamara character arc I am currently exploring with The Azellian Affairs, Alarin is a mysterious, blank character that I haven’t tried to connect with in any deep or meaningful way—not like I have with Merran, or even Tamara herself. 

Alarin has been a very important, but also shadowy, figure. I don’t fully understand him. Many authors—including myself—will say that characters come from inside ourselves, taken from aspects of ourselves. If so, Alarin is that little understood, neglected middle child that I’ve forgotten is even there. He lives in those parts of me that I have relegated to the “I’ll get to it later” pile—usually because the emotions that make up that place inside of me are too difficult or painful to spend much time in.  

Book 3 has gone through several iterations, as I have sought to find the voice of the story. I know what the meta theme is, but the story itself and the characters who would be involved have changed. It’s been almost like hugging an amoeba, the story gelatinous and changing shape even as I attempt to put it on paper. This book, like me, is transforming and changing, even as I write it. It’s been frustrating to that part of me that sees writing as a process, but it has also taught me so many incredible lessons about me and my relationship with writing. Although writing may be a stable, set process for many authors, it is not for me and has never been. Writing is organic, healing and my connection to that part of me that is divine. Like my relationship with myself, it is transforming and growing and exquisitely creative. It is teaching me to surrender to the quantum creative in ways I never imagined when I was a teenager living more in the universe of Azelle than in this one. The story is tapping into me in ways that make me uncomfortable and uneasy, but represent a path of incredible growth and expansion, too.  As I have begun to look at the whole picture, I have realized that this story is coming out of a very deep, very powerful experience that changed my life, and the more I embrace that truth, the easier it will be.  

What will Book 3 look like when it is finished? I don’t know yet. But I do know it will be worth every moment of intensity that is going into its birth.