From the “Ick” to the “Yay” and Everything in Between

One of the challenges of being a writer—any artist, really—is the balance between the creative urges that dictate our everyday life. While I would love to be able to dedicate ALL of my time to writing, it simply isn’t feasible for a number of reasons, both creative and practical.

These past few months have been a time period like that for me. After a rough month during which things have been skewed severely out of balance in terms of my internal life/external life balance, I have brought myself to a complete halt, in order to reevaluate the pendulum.

Yes, I am on a quest to eliminate the concept of “balance”—everything that happens nothing more than life in all of its glorious change, sometimes here, sometimes there—but I am also aware that there are times that I lose track of me in the midst of all the chaos. Family, earning a living, that part of me that reminds me of a whiny child who isn’t getting enough attention, everything is sometimes so danged noisy! 

This period of apparent chaos, buried in the everyday ins and outs that characterize most of our lives, had a purpose. I have changed so much, even with, or maybe because of, the “chaos”. My body and I survived and even thrived, and our relationship is forever changed for the better. 

I was recently reminded to go back to the basics: focus on the breath, even in the middle of a REALLY busy day. Approaching spring is reflected in Colorado in wildly fluctuating temperatures, so we have had some gloriously beautiful temperatures, punctuated by snow and cold: so on those days that are warm and beautiful, I’ve taken a few minutes sitting in the sun, listening to the raucous noise of the birds celebrating the approaching spring, watching my dogs cavort in the yard, as affected by the beautiful weather, as I.

I’ve taken the time to do some yoga stretching designed to help energy flow through me. I’ve gone to my energy healer/massage therapist and remembered how it felt to be utterly relaxed, supported and loved by myself (thanks, Nate, you rock!) I’m picking food that is nourishing and supportive of the body and getting excited about eating—and cooking—again. 

And with these basics, comes the story, full, rich and spilling out of the edges of me. I have come back to the joy of writing and realized this time away has been deeply healing.

I needed to remember the joy of living to be able to write again—and to remember the joy of living, I had to live it, from the “ick” to the “yay” and everything in between. 

Indeed, this has been a very deeply transformational period. I find my relationship with my writing as a whole, has evolved. I had such expectations of the story: about how it would present, how I would market it and how it would sell, none of which has come true in the years I’ve had books out. I went to considerable lengths to learn about “how to” a number of basic writing business maintenance processes from marketing to social media and everything in between.

None of this has turned out the way I had dreamed or imagined it would. Instead, in the process of some really intense soul searching, I have come to realize one thing: Azelle is not about any of these everyday things. It is, simply, about itself. And that has liberated me to write what is really flowing through me rather than what I thought I should be writing about. 

Where will this take Book #3? I’m having a grand old time writing again and will continue to invite you along for the journey.